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Tarot Reading for Mrs Rizzo

My heart...my mind...are now in conflict and the prize they fight over is my soul. The price I am to pay is high...very high.

After a difficult life full of trials I felt I had finally met the one...my twin flame....dreams i never dared hoped for became possible and a part of me i did not know existed had come alive!
He is like me a troubled soul...but someone with a heart that cried out for pure love not built on lust or need....but on complicity and total acceptance of how fate had played it's part in our meeting. Despite our experiences and natural reluctance to believe this could be happening to us we could neither deny or fight the fatality of it all or the depths of our feelings...it has been all consuming.

Neither had wanted marriage, I am divorced and he never married, but quickly we began to see each other as the one true partner in life...a true husband...a true wife...in every sense of the word. I have never wanted children but with this man began to feel a bitter twang that I may not ever experience this natural expression of 2 people's ultimate love for each other and we began to dream of this possibility despite my age...giving it over to the universe to decide if it may be our fate!
Having been my own main protector since the age of 9 at last I was ready to lay down my sword and surrender to being the kind of woman I always wanted to be, loved and protected by a man who would die for me...with him my only fear was he would be snatched away from me before our roles have had a chance to be fulfilled....and now it looks like that fear may become a reality because of a stupid misunderstanding....a mis-communication...ego getting a chance to prevail.
This is beyond soul-destroying for me...it is literally tearing me apart. I am not heartbroken in the normal sense, my heart believes this love is God ordained and therefore will not only survive but will strengthen and flourish by this dark dark time....but my head...or more to the point...that damaged little girl inside of it....is ringing out the alarm bells and starting to question EVERYTHING!!!
In the middle of this battle is my soul of which there is only half without him...petrified of what he is going through.....he has had issues in his past with drug abuse and during a brief spell of separation last year said his life was worth nothing without me and he went to the edge of existence.
I try so hard to quash down these fears but they grow. I cannot comprehend the thought of his death....it has always caused utter panic in me and instantly reduces me to a sobbing wreck....which he is fully aware of as he witnessed my distress over it when we discussed what would happen if he was involved in a crash at work (he is a truck driver) he said he would rather be dead than disabled and I freaked out.
I would accept any disability just as long as he returned to me alive. My life without him as my man will continue if he remains alive...but life would cease to have meaning for me if he were to die.

But since this problem began we have only had 2 days of communication...between xmas and new year...the first day there was relief for us both that our love was still intact... he told me he will love me forever and I am his only woman and wife for life...then the next day he sounded altered and I questioned him over it and he has gone silent again...through guilt and shame...or anger?….I do not know
But I never got the chance to tell him...or rather to reiterate...that I love him with all my heart and soul as he comes....foibles...problems et all! If as I fear he has relapsed because he thought he lost me over a stupid misunderstanding it alters nothing for me, we can deal with that together.
I vowed to him I would never turn my back on him, I never have....my heart is his...and his alone as I have never been able to give it so freely and fully to anyone..not even my parents....so whatever his circumstances i am happy to devote myself to him.
But knowing how i feel....knowing my fears for him and his safety....knowing I must be frantic by now….I start to question his love for me...his concern for me and then I am back on the hamster wheel...my heart and head at war.
Doesn’t help being a gemini….I can wake up feeling strong...knowing if I am only patient and calm...time will resolve this and if as we believed this was God ordained...then it will be...then out of no-where i can go one of any number of directions...ie...sometimes i feel his soul crying out and know he is in real trouble...others I think...no matter how bad things are for him how can he do this to me?…..Then I can feel angry and just want to walk.

Then there are days like today where I am so churned up...what if i walk away and get on with my life without him only to find he really did need me to just wait a little longer...to keep the faith and belief in our union. i am not prone to tearful fits but i can not stop them this last week and i am getting weary of the constant battle within...the whole time feeling as if it is my soul that is slowly dying...that our twin flame is slowly being smothered.
I switch from asking my Angels to watch over him...to bring him succur and comfort if he does languish in his own dark hell and light his path back to me...to just wanting to check out of reality myself...(i do not abuse substances but understand it through previous work)...as currently each day can feel like an eternity and i am just not functioning in anything like a normal manner.

I asked for a 3 card reading rather than a love one...as love is not the question here….I know my past is playing it's part and all those doubts are part of that…I need to know how to cope with the present and seek guidance....but above all I need some hope and direction for the future.

So in humble gratitude i ask you give me your best reading possible...for him...for me....for us

Grazie mille


Your Situation: Six of Cups
An old lover or a childhood friend may appear on the scene. You may have to reassess some aspects of your past life.

Advice: Five of Swords
Someone may be acting in a destructive way. You may have to accept things that you cannot change. Does everyone around you deserve your trust?

Result: Nine of Cups
You’ll get what you desire. Satisfaction and contentment are on the way.

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